at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
