I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
