Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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