Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
