dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
