My room smells like vodka and shame
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
