was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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