there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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