hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
