OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
