things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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