I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
