I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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