Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
