i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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