what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
