I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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