the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
