I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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