i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
