i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
