4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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