I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
