so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
