If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
