I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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