I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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