this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
