So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
