The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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