last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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