AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I supernannyed him into submission
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
