i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
