im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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