Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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