I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
