He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
