Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
