I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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