wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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