Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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