He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
