i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
