If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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