A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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