The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
