Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
