I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
