Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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