Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
